“It is not a sin to miss Mass on Sundays if you are ill”
Saved From the Everlasting Fires of Hell
The Catholics are taking no chances. Their Lord may be omnipotent, omniscient, and omnipresent but the Catholics apparently figure He is no match for the Swine Flu. Many an Archdiocese is asking Catholics to change their habits (yes this is a perfect spot for the requisite nun joke, but there aren’t enough nuns left to make it funny).
For the duration of the pandemic, the Church is changing the rules.
For example:
No hugging
No hand-shaking
No holding hands
No holy water
No drinking wine from the communion chalice
Don’t forget that God or Jesus or Moses raised the dead, healed the lepers, parted the seas, managed to get a virgin pregnant (and nobody went to jail)–but Swine Flu? They’re not touching this one. Buy some of that hand-cleaner, wear a mask (at least it’s not as ugly as a burqa) and hope God strikes your neighbors.
By the way, the quote above is official. “It is not a sin to miss Mass on Sundays if you are ill.” You can skip church for the duration and you won’t go to hell. When St. Peter says, “We haven’t seen you around for the last 30 or 40 years,” you can tell him you were taking precautions against Swine Flu.
“Good move,” he’ll say. “Simon got it and we damn near ran out of Gatorade trying to get him straightened out. Next!”
And what happens if the Church decides the danger is over but the CDC (Centers for Disease Control) disagree? “Get your ass back in that pew or you’re going to hell,” bellows the Archbishop.
“Stay away from all crowds or you’re going to jail,” says the Surgeon General.
Hmm. Hell? Jail? I’ll take jail. They’ve got cable TV, A/C, and a weight room.
This entry was posted on Tuesday, October 27th, 2009 at 8:08 PM and is filed under Commentary. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed.
You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.
“It is not a sin to miss Mass on Sundays if you are ill”
Saved From the Everlasting Fires of Hell
The Catholics are taking no chances. Their Lord may be omnipotent, omniscient, and omnipresent but the Catholics apparently figure He is no match for the Swine Flu. Many an Archdiocese is asking Catholics to change their habits (yes this is a perfect spot for the requisite nun joke, but there aren’t enough nuns left to make it funny).
For the duration of the pandemic, the Church is changing the rules.
For example:
Don’t forget that God or Jesus or Moses raised the dead, healed the lepers, parted the seas, managed to get a virgin pregnant (and nobody went to jail)–but Swine Flu? They’re not touching this one. Buy some of that hand-cleaner, wear a mask (at least it’s not as ugly as a burqa) and hope God strikes your neighbors.
By the way, the quote above is official. “It is not a sin to miss Mass on Sundays if you are ill.” You can skip church for the duration and you won’t go to hell. When St. Peter says, “We haven’t seen you around for the last 30 or 40 years,” you can tell him you were taking precautions against Swine Flu.
“Good move,” he’ll say. “Simon got it and we damn near ran out of Gatorade trying to get him straightened out. Next!”
And what happens if the Church decides the danger is over but the CDC (Centers for Disease Control) disagree? “Get your ass back in that pew or you’re going to hell,” bellows the Archbishop.
“Stay away from all crowds or you’re going to jail,” says the Surgeon General.
Hmm. Hell? Jail? I’ll take jail. They’ve got cable TV, A/C, and a weight room.
Like this:
This entry was posted on Tuesday, October 27th, 2009 at 8:08 PM and is filed under Commentary. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.