According to the Associated Press, “federal prosecutors are being told it is not a good use of their time to arrest people who use or provide medical marijuana…” Really? After half a century of Puritanical enforcement of laws against marijuana the Feds have finally figured it out: a) yes, marijuana does have legitimate medical uses, and; b) even if it didn’t, who cares?
Apparently the Neanderthals in the Justice Department who saw Reefer Madness in high school are finally dying off. Federal prosecutors in the 14 states that permit medical use of marijuana have received a memo from the Justice Department telling them to lay off. Copies of the memo also went to top officials in the DEA and FBI
The only downside to all this is that Feds and cops in the 14 states will now have to buy (or grow) their pot like everyone else instead of stealing it from the people they arrest.
Need some relief from a “medical problem?” Try Alaska, California, Colorado, Hawaii, Maine, Maryland, Michigan, Montana, Nevada, New Mexico, Oregon, Rhode Island, Vermont, or Washington. (Exercise caution in Maryland. Somehow they’ve decided that medical use of marijuana is still a crime, but the penalties are reduced. Already, in West Baltimore, several marijuana users walked with just brief probation after pleading successfully that they were only smoking ‘to mend a broken heart.’)
Posted by Lloyd Williams 
You’ve probably heard the White House is telling everyone, including other media outlets, to disregard Fox News. According to the White House, Fox is biased.
Wow, if I were a Republican, I’d be shitting my drawers. I mean, the Republicans got creamed in the last election. Their future looks even bleaker. This time Mr. Moore and his coterie of guilt-ridden millionaires have declared all-out district-by-district guerilla warfare on every Republican candidate. This could be a bloodbath of Cambodian proportions.
“emotional.” Here’s how the mental state of health care reform opponents is described:
And why are health care reform opponents “misinformed?” Well, apparently, it’s because they’re getting all their information from the internet instead of from Ted Turner’s Oracles in Atlanta. CNN is practically apoplectic: “…rumor is picked up as fact and disseminated to millions via blogs and discussion boards…” “…people are just getting information that’s flat wrong.” Heavens to Murgatroyd, don’t people realize that the flacks at CNN are the only Americans bright enough to separate fact from rumor?
The judges would then meet ‘in chambers’ (that is, with their pants pulled up) and tell their clerks to whip out something with a sufficiently high SMOG (Simple Measure of Gobbledygook) Index so that their decisions would keep brother lawyers employed for another year or so. Clerks also were admonished to cite as many “precedents” as possible on the theory that any legal decision, no matter how stupid, is OK if you can find enough cases where other judges reached the same wrong conclusion.
Papal Poaching
October 23, 2009Pope Benedict XVI (aka Joseph Ratzinger) understands the business of religion at least as well as he understands theology. He knows that the Church survives on two things: money and members. Bring in lots of money along with lots of people and the business of religion moves forward (or backward, depending on your point of view).
It Must Be Big Hat Day at Wrigley Field
But in the US, the Catholic Church is losing ground. Attendance is down, money is drying up, and the shortage of priests is critical. Church after church is closing; the American middle class is abandoning the Church in droves. For older Catholics, the Church has lost its tradition, mysticism, and authority. For younger Catholics, it is irrelevant. The sex scandals, pederasty, and ensuing publicity have cost the Church dearly in both prestige and treasure.
But Pope Ratzinger surveys the bleak American landscape and sees opportunity. There’s business to be done here and Ratzinger has told the Church’s Marketing Department to focus on America.
For sheer numbers of members, there are Spanish-speaking Americans: Hispanics, Mexicans, Latinos, Nuyoricans—whatever you choose to call them. They may not have the big bucks but their birth and immigration rates are enough to bring a smile to the face of the most cynical archbishop. No coitus interruptus, condoms, or abortions here. These are birth rates that would make the Irish blush. And most of these people come from nominal Catholic backgrounds. It won’t take much to recruit them.
And the money? Look no further than the Church of England, the Anglican Communion, the Episcopalians. The Pope and his minions are actively poaching disgruntled clergy and communicants of the Anglican church. Rome knows many Episcopalians are sick of the ‘social gospel,’ gay bishops, same-sex marriages, watered-down dogma, and the ordination of women. They yearn for the good old days of the authoritarian, misogynistic church—“old time religion” without the shitty music. And the Episcopalians have got money. Fill the pews with Hispanics and the coffers with old Episcopal money. Mirabile dictu.
Now, mind you, the Episcopalians and the Hispanics won’t be sitting in the same churches (at least not at the same time of day). That would be stretching the ecumenical movement too far even for this captain of Religion, Inc. But separate services, like the ones at Holy Trinity in St. Ann MO are bringing the bodies and the money. (Rule 3A: Any event intended for English-speaking ex-Episcopalians must end in time for the first serving of Sunday brunch at the Briarwood).
All of this is win-win for the Pope:
And the Episcopalians win, too. They finally get rid of all those conservatives who have stood in the way of progressivism and social relevance in the modern Anglican Communion. It’s hard to ordain a female bishop or consecrate a gay marriage when the folks in the back rows are hollering, “You’re all going to hell and good riddance!”
And another big win for His Holiness: he gets to save all these Anglicans and Hispanics from the everlasting fires of Hell. Don’t forget that, despite the power of its billion members and trillion-dollar budget, the Catholic Church really believes the shit they preach. In 2000, when that old sweetheart John Paul was still running things at the Vatican, the Church issued “Dominus Iesus,” a formal document claiming the Catholic Church was the only sure path to salvation. The rest of the world (or at least those who still believe in an afterlife) bristled but, of course, Muslims, Baptists, Buddhists and other assorted heretics have been hearing this shit from the One True Church for centuries.
BTW, guess who wrote “Dominus Iesus?” That’s right, none other than Joe Ratzinger. At the time he was the head guy over at the Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith. Think of Ratzinger as sort of the Pope’s consigliere, in charge of rooting out heresies and heretics wherever they might lurk within the Church. You know, keeping the Don posted on who could be trusted and who needed watching.
The sinister import of Ratzinger’s pre-Papal duties might be more apparent if you knew that prior to 1908 (when the Vatican’s PR department got a clue), Ratzinger’s job title would have been:
Precept of the Supreme Sacred Congregation
of the Roman and Universal Inquisition