Washington Catholics to Sleep Late

December 19, 2009

A major snowstorm is rolling up the East Coast this weekend, threatening to close down Washington and, perhaps, New York for a day or two. No word yet from New York, but these words of assurance to Washington Catholics.

The Archdiocese of Washington says dangerous travel conditions caused by bad weather is a legitimate excuse from attending Sunday Mass.

Associated Press

What constitutes a “legitimate excuse” for missing Mass? I mean, do you have to bring a note from your weatherman? What happens if you don’t have a legitimate excuse? Do you get struck by lightning and go straight to hell right now or does the Grim Reaper scoop you up at the assigned day and hour of your death and then tell you, “I have instructions from the Lord Almighty Himself to send you straight to hell because you missed Mass on Sunday, December 20, 2009 and did not bring a note from your weatherman to the Parish hall within the allotted 30 days.”

Which excuses are legitimate for missing Mass? For example would it be legitimate to miss Mass if you were in a hospital giving birth to an illegitimate baby? After all, you didn’t have an abortion.

Is a hangover a legitimate excuse for missing Mass or should I show up anyway and just puke in the baptismal font? What if the Key Bridge is closed because of a bomb threat? Father, this is all so confusing. Do you guys have this written down in some rule book I could study? I don’t want to fuck up and go to hell. Really.


Yeah, but Will it Make any Difference?

December 18, 2009

A coalition of African American leaders concerned about minorities being undercounted in the 2010 Census called Wednesday for inmates at federal and state prisons to be tallied in their home communities instead of the towns where they are incarcerated.

Carol Morello
The Washington Post

The US Constitution calls for a regular census to be taken. The original purpose of this census was equitably to distribute members of the House of Representatives among the various states. As the number of states increased, and as the population began moving south, west, and from farm to city, the census drove increases and decreases in the number and size of representative districts in each state.

The census always has been a contentious matter because of the political clout implied by census counts. In recent years the scope of, and the controversy surrounding, the census have expanded. The census is no longer a mere head count. The census now collects extensive ancillary data (e.g., indoor plumbing, household income, home ownership) that are used in a variety of government and commercial activities. Most census data are available to the public, including businesses.

Federal grants, handouts, and special programs are driven by census data. This is not just about the number of people who happen to live in a certain jurisdiction—it’s about votes, money, and power.

Now come Marc Morial, president of the National Urban League, Jesse Jackson of Rainbow/PUSH, and Al Sharpton, head of the National Action Network.

And what do these guys want? They want the census to count the 1.2 million minority Americans who are in prison as residents of their “home towns” rather than as residents of the location of the prison in which they are incarcerated. This would direct more federal and local funds to the neighborhoods from which these inmates came.

Home, Sweet Home

I don’t really have an opinion on the census issue. Messrs Morial, Jackson, and Sharpton may well be right. Allocating these inmates to their “home towns” might be equitable. More votes and more money might be the fair and reasonable thing to do.

But I am disturbed that the Three Amigos seem to have no sense of shame or irony about the underlying circumstances. Their constituents account for 12% of the US population but make up 40% of the inmates in our prisons.

Over the past half century trillions of dollars in public and private money have been transferred to minority individuals, neighborhoods, and organizations like the National Urban League, the National Action Network, and Rainbow/PUSH. We have yet to see any significant results from this massive transfer of wealth.

It is not the responsibility of the Bureau of the Census but someone ought to ask these gentlemen, “If, because of changes in the census rules, you win more votes, more money, more power, what will you do with them?” “What have you accomplished so far?” “What exactly will we get for our money?”


A Disturbing Pattern

December 16, 2009

Dec 16 – At Least 25 Killed in Pakistan Market Blast

Dec 15 – Eight Dead in Kabul Suicide Bombing

Dec 15 – Series of Bomb Blasts Leaves 8 Dead In Iraq

Dec 15 – Two Blasts Kill 13 Afghans, Wound Over 40 Others

Dec 15 – Bombs Besiege Manipur; 3 Dead

Dec 15 – Pakistan Market Bombing Leaves 20 Dead

Dec 15 – Bombs Kill Four NATO Soldiers in Afghanistan

Dec 15 – Roadside Bomb Kills 5 Afghan Policemen

Dec 15 – Somali Police Officers Killed By Bomb

Dec 14 – One Dead in Manila Car Blast

Dec 11 – Bomb Blast Kills At Least 6 South of Baghdad

Dec 8  -  Pakistan Militants Bomb Multan, 100 Dead In Five Days

Dec 8  – 127 Dead after Four Bomb Blasts Rock Baghdad

Dec 8  – Death Toll from Blasts In Pakistan’s Lahore Up To 49

Dec 8  – Nine Dead As Attack Targets Pakistan Spy Agency

Dec 8 – Three Iraqis Killed By Powerful Motorcycle Bomb

Dec 8 – At Least 49 Dead in Pakistan Market Bombs

Dec 7 – 10 Turkish Soldiers Killed by Remote-Controlled Bomb

Dec 5 – 1 Dead In Bombing near Philippine Police Station

Dec 4 – Suicide Bomb Kills 5 in Hussein’s Hometown

Dec 3 – Suicide Bomber Hits Somali Graduation, 22 Dead


Comedy Duo Duncan and Geithner—Hottest Ticket in Town

December 15, 2009

The U.S. Treasury and Education departments announced plans on Tuesday to cooperate to improve financial education for high school students to enable them to make smarter decisions about money.

Reuters

If your holiday plans include a day or two in the Big Apple, you’ve got to try for some tickets to see Education Secretary Arne Duncan and Treasury Secretary Tim Geithner at Dangerfield’s. It’s the toughest ticket in town but worth what the scalpers are asking. The crowds are howling with laughter when these two do their classic schtick about better financial education for high school students.

It all started with the Reuter’s story, Obama Administration Aims for High School Financial Literacy. Within hours of the story’s publication, agents had the duo booked through New Year’s at Dangerfield’s.

Government Secretaries talking financial management? This is great stuff and these two know how to deliver the laughs.

Sure, financial excesses and fiscal irresponsibility are nothing new in Washington but the current gang of thieves has hit new heights, expanding on the century-old chicanery of Republicans and Democrats. And the Duncan/Geithner duo are making the most of it.

Duncan and Geithner's "We need to teach our kids financial responsibility" comedy routine plays to sellout crowds

Banks, insurance companies, investment bankers, mortgage lenders, and mortgage holders are going tits up left and right. Congress is spending money like a Saudi whorehouse owner on his first trip to Vegas. Major corporations can’t seem to find the money they thought they had stuffed in their mattresses.

And the Secretaries of the US Departments of Treasury and Education come up with this great routine about the importance of teaching high school students how better to manage money!

“The reality is that all children don’t know the basics of saving and investing. It’s a skill they need to be successful in our economy,” says straight man, Duncan.

Geithner delivers the punch line with a rapier, “We must also do a better job of making sure our politicians graduate from high school with a better understanding of basic economics, basic finance and the benefits and risks associated with debt.”

(Actually, Geithner said “…making sure our students graduate from…” but the gales of laughter from the crowd at Dangerfield’s let the duo know the rewrite was on the money).

It’s no wonder there are no comedy teams like the Marx Brothers, the Three Stooges, or Tom and Dick Smothers around any more. With the talent coming out of Washington these days, the folks working at Second City and the Comedy Factory don’t stand a chance.


Dynamite in Your Pocket

December 14, 2009

Thinking about cheating on your spouse or significant other?

Contemplating the crime of the century (or maybe just murdering that asshole with the barking dog next door)?

Planning to turn a quick buck in the dope market?

Got a great idea for a new product?

Meeting face-to-face to discuss intimate matters or a criminal conspiracy?

Rule #1: Do not possess, use, or be in the same room with a cell phone. In fact, if you’re planning to commit any of the malfeasances listed above, you don’t even want to own a cell phone.

Tiger would text Mindy Lawton when his need for sex was "urgent"

Remember Tiger Woods, that golfer who made about a billion dollars a year off an occasional good round of golf and some great product endorsement deals? Down the shitter because he left a trail of cell phone voice mail and text messages Inspector Clouseau could have deciphered.

How about Paris Hilton, whose hacked cell phone revealed contact information for Eminem, Vin Diesel, Lindsay Lohan, Christina Aguilera, Ashlee Simpson, Andy Roddick and Anna Kournikova? Because Paris is a Hollywood idiot, she and every one of the aforementioned Hollywood idiots had to change their e-mail addresses, cell phone numbers and, who knows, even move because it’s damned tough to change your street address if you stay in the same house.

Paris' password was 'Tinkerbell'

And these are the ones that, although pathetic, are a bit funny.

Good data are not available but most law enforcement people will tell you that cell phones, not fingerprints, gun casings, or DNA, are the best source of leads in the police business. Yes, the other forensic evidence becomes more important at trial but, when it comes to rounding up likely suspects, nothing works quite as well as a cell phone.

Consider these:

The cops were happy to return Tony Ramirez' cell phone

Criminal mastermind Anthony Ramirez robs a house and leaves his cell phone behind. He calls his own cell phone number to see if maybe someone has found it. A cop answers Anthony’s phone and says, “Sure thing, Tony. Is there a reward? Great! Meet me at the Circle K in twenty minutes.” Turns out Tony’s also looking at a murder rap.

B&E man, Dan Kincaid is nailed when he sends his girlfriend a string of text messages asking her how to get out of a neighborhood he’s been working without being spotted by the cops.

Mikhail Mallayev shoots a man one morning in Queens. Mikhail is smart enough to turn his cell off during the morning, but when questioned by New York’s finest, his story simply doesn’t match his afternoon cell phone records.

Darnell Watson kills a man on the street in Atlanta, and then uses the victim’s cell phone to call his girlfriend from the crime scene for a ride home.

An Ontario CA cop faces permanent suspension for sending sexually explicit text messages over his department-issued cell phone.

Yeah, I know, none of these scenarios apply to you.

But, if you think conversations you have over your cell phone, even if you have “encryption,” are secure you are naïve. Some cell phone designs and encryption schemes are pretty good (today) but things are changing so quickly that you must assume that anyone might be able to eavesdrop at any time. For all cell phone conversation, for all e-mails, for all electronic communications (like e-mails), the best rule is to apply what my friend Jack calls The Washington Post test: if you’d be humiliated or arrested when something you communicated electronically winds up on the front page of The Washington Post—don’t do it!

It’s getting even worse. With some cell phone models, hackers (or a law enforcement agency, maybe with a warrant, maybe not) can download eavesdropping software to your cell phone over the network. They don’t need access to the phone itself at all. In these cases, the cell phone can act as a room microphone, broadcasting everything that’s said even when the phone is not in use. In fact, there are a few models of cell phones where this room microphone feature will work when the phone is turned OFF!

As Richard Nixon used to ruminate, even paranoids have real enemies.


I’ll Bet They Went to Public Schools

December 12, 2009

From left: Waqar Khan, Ramy Zamzam, Umer Farooq, Ahmed Abdullah Minni, and Aman Hassan Yemer

According to press stories, the five revolutionary geniuses pictured above are American citizens. (The FBI says one of them does not have a US passport).

They all apparently were raised in the US and, until their recent trip to Pakistan, were residents of the Washington DC area. They were arrested in Sargodha, Pakistan at the home of the leader of the Army of the Prophet Mohammad.

They were arrested after drawing attention to themselves by asking around town about how to find the Taliban, or al-Qaeda, or some other terrorist organization they could join.

Pakistani police were interested in these guys because, though naive, they seemed genuinely interested in waging jihad.

Terrorist organizations were interested in these guys because, though naive, they seemed genuinely interested in waging jihad.

They must be double agents thought the Pakistani police. Nobody could be that stupid.

They must be spies, thought the terrorists. Nobody could be that stupid.

They must be products of our public school system, thought I. US public schools specialize in granting diplomas to people just that stupid.


From Little ACORNS, Let’s Hope No Mighty Oaks Grow

December 12, 2009

You’ve heard the story already:

ACORN staffers counsel couple on funding and operating a whorehouse staffed primarily by under-age illegal aliens.

A couple of free-lancers, James O’Keefe and Hannah Giles, filmed some pretty embarrassing incidents in several ACORN (Association for Community Organizations for Reform Now) offices. The couple masqueraded as being interested in starting a business: a whorehouse, to be blunt about it. They needed help getting money to start this venture. Videos taken in several different ACORN facilities showed similar outcomes: ACORN employees counseling the couple on how to qualify for a house loan (or is there a separate category for whore house loans?) and also giving advice on the employment of illegal, under-age aliens as prostitutes, while claiming them as “dependents” in order to receive welfare benefits (which would, one presumes, include a lot of penicillin shots).

ACORN claimed it was a misunderstanding, that the whole thing was a put-on by its employees who knew they were being filmed, that they were entrapped, etc. ACORN even stood “solidly” behind the videotaped employees, right up to the minute they fired them.

Along with the damning videos, there were allegations of other ACORN improprieties. Congress reacted quickly, cutting off funds to ACORN (who are fairly big feeders at the federal trough). ACORN countered, filing a suit claiming that, under the “bill of attainder” provisions of the US constitution, congress  had no right to suspend funding in light of alleged accusations that had not been proven in a court of law. Like it or not, ACORN is right and a New York judge has upheld ACORN’s claim that it suffered unfairly under the bill of attainder provision of the constitution.

  1. You can do your own research on bills of attainder as the history of this issue is complex. It wound up in the US constitution for good reason: briefly stated, it prevents congress from acting as judge, jury and executioner when charges are brought against an individual or organization.
  2. “Today’s ruling is a victory for the Constitutional rights for all Americans and for the citizens who work through ACORN to improve their communities and promote responsible lending and homeownership."

    Nonetheless, the evidence that ACORN is, at a minimum, incompetent, and, more likely guilty of violating federal laws is pretty compelling. These are people not to be trusted yet we, as taxpayers, are obligated to continue doing business with them until they are convicted of something. The irony is that by providing ACORN with taxpayer funds we will, directly or indirectly, pay their legal costs.

  3. It is obvious that the contracts drawn up between ACORN and whatever federal agencies were providing funds were grossly defective. Congress should not have to have intervened. The language of the contracts with ACORN should have allowed the department of Housing and Urban Development, the Office of Management and Budget and the Treasury department unilaterally to suspend doing business with them if there was substantive evidence that ACORN was violating the law.
  4. Think of it this way. I run a Quickie Mart. I have numerous video tapes of an individual shoplifting from my store. I even have a video of him robbing me at gunpoint. This guy has not yet been convicted of any of these crimes. He is out on bail, awaiting trial. Am I obligated to do business with him in the meantime? Am I required to allow him even to enter my premises?
  5. I speak from personal experience when I point out that a major part of the problem is federal contracting law. Getting on the the list of “approved vendors” for a federal agency is damned difficult. It helps to have donated generously to the campaign of the right congress critters. I have also witnessed, first hand, that once you’re an “approved vendor” you can do just about anything short of shooting the federal contracting officer assigned to your contract.
  6. Countless federal contracts wind up in dispute every year. Few make it to court, primarily because the federal contracting officers did not exercise due diligence. The government usually winds up handing additional money over to the party who already has screwed them. And, in the absence of a conviction the “approved vendor” stays on a short list of suppliers free to continue screwing the government and the taxpayers at will.
  7. Fifty bucks says ACORN comes out of this with a clean record even though they obviously are incompetent, corrupt, dishonest, and criminal.

Cell Phones on a Plane

December 10, 2009

As you’re probably aware, it is illegal to use a cell phone while flying in the US. Most airlines permit the use of cell phones when an aircraft is on the ground but, right now, federal law prohibits in-flight use.

The original reasons for prohibiting cell phone use while airborne were technical. Some had to do with the cell phone networks; others with aircraft navigation. I won’t bore you with the details except to say that most (but not all) experts think cell phones present no hazards to aircraft navigation systems.

In fact, 72 countries allow the use of cell phones in the air. The United States is not among those 72. For that I am immensely grateful.

I own a cell phone. I use it but I guess I’m both unpopular and unimportant. When I’m at the airport, I‘m usually among the few who are not yammering on their cell phones. Irrelevance has its rewards.

Now congress is considering allowing in-flight cell phone calls.

They're all important, and they've all got seats near you

I loathe the prospect of being jammed in an “E” seat for 3 hours between two cell phone users who consider an airplane an 800 foot-per-second phone booth. One will be a mother engaged in a long chat about “consequences” with her teenager. The other will be an over-cologned salesman intent on keeping in contact with customers and colleagues who will, no doubt, be impressed by the fact that he is so busy that time spent flying is his only opportunity to keep in touch.

I plan to listen to both conversations. Occasionally, when mom seems stuck for words, I’ll suggest one-line self-help zingers I picked up from Oprah or Dr. Laura. As for the business guy, I’ll take obvious and copious notes on his conversations. When he comments on this, I’ll say, “No, no. Keep talking. This is good shit.”

Congressman Peter DeFazio (D-OR) cites a survey done by the International Airline Passengers Association. According to IAPA 88% of 3,000 frequent fliers said air-to-ground calls would be “a source of great irritation.”

If you’re fer it or agin it, let your congress critter know. It’s in the Federal Aviation Administration reauthorization bill.


More Yodeling from a Minaret

December 9, 2009

On November 30, I published Yodeling from a Minaret, a story about a Swiss referendum banning the construction of minarets in most of the country, If you’re up on the story, read on; if not, take a look so I don’t have to repeat the details.

There currently are four minarets in Switzerland and by referendum, the voters have said “no more.” Press and politicians worldwide are apoplectic at this display of political incorrectness. Bloomberg News probably best summarized the opinions of the press and the politicians:

It is worth nothing that the referendum was supported mostly by rural voters, whose fear of Islamic aggression comes more from ignorance than experience.

These are the favorite words of the press and politicians when the voters don’t agree with them: fear and ignorance. The Swiss are not exercising common sense, skepticism, reticence, or caution. They are not acting based on empirical evidence.They are, according to Bloomberg, ignorant and, therefore, afraid.

Let’s look at the logic that might be exercised by the average “ignorant, fearful” Helvetian:

  1. We live in a pretty nice country—good standard of living, low crime rate, well-educated population. Good chocolate, beautiful watches, great skiing.
  2. Switzerland is a model for the integration of a multi-ethnic, multi-lingual populace. We have four official languages plus most of us speak English, too.
  3. We get along so well that we haven’t been at war in centuries, either with ourselves or with others.
  4. Guns aren’t a big deal in our society. Most men under the age of 30 are required, as members of the militia, to have automatic weapons in their homes at all times. Yet, incidents involving the misuse of guns are rare.
  5. We’ve got 8 million people living here; about 400,000 of them are Muslims.
  6. The Muslims in our country have been pretty good citizens; we don’t hear about a lot of problems stemming from their presence in Switzerland.
  7. But we’ve noticed in other countries that when the Muslim minority in a city or a country reaches a certain critical mass (the size of which, unfortunately, we cannot predict), bombs go off and people, Muslim and non-Muslim alike, start dying.
  8. That hasn’t happened here yet; but it’s happened in other countries like France, Britain, Denmark, the Philippines, the Netherlands, and the United States. They all have large Muslim minorities. And they all seem to have problems with Muslim violence.
  9. In some countries where Muslims represent the majority of the population, the level of violence often is off the charts. In Iraq, Afghanistan, Pakistan, Somalia, Yemen, and Palestine it is not unusual for 100 people to be blown apart in a single day.
  10. If the bombers are identified, they almost always are Muslim.
  11. We conclude that there is a causal relationship between the presence of a certain critical mass of Muslims and terrorist acts (e.g., the detonation of explosives).
  12. Therefore, until we know what that critical mass is, we would be wise to discourage the presence of additional Muslims in our country.

This is what is known as an empirical conclusion; that is, “relying on or proceeding on information derived from experience and observation for lack of other knowledge.”

Support or refute.


Government Wants to Bail Out Newspapers

December 8, 2009

“Government’s going to have to be involved, in one way or the other.”

Rep. Henry Waxman
D-CA

The conniving scoundrels in congress are salivating over the impending failure of print media, primarily newspapers, around the country. For them, this is great news.

The newspapers are not failing because of the serious jolts our economy has taken over the past few years. They were well on their way to failure before failure became fashionable.



The newspapers are failing because their business model is dead. Display and classified advertising, on which the newspapers had a virtual monopoly a few decades ago, are gone—replaced by Craig’s List, Monster, and E-Bay.

But don’t worry America. Help is on the way!

Our congress, ever watchful for an opportunity to take control of another piece of the economy, has introduced the Newspaper Revitalization Act. This act would allow newspapers to operate as not-for-profit educational services—you know, sort of like public broadcasting companies.

Of course, there would be taxpayer subsidies for these unprofitable ventures and, of course, the government would exert no influence whatsoever on how these taxpayer-subsidized rags covered the news.



Gee, this is just win-win for everyone, isn’t it? We get cheap or free newspapers financed by tax dollars and these taxpayer-financed newspapers will be better because they’ll no longer be spewing out anti-government propaganda under the evil spell of  profit-making corporations.

TRUTH is just around the corner.

And there really are people who believe this shit:

  1. Henry Waxman, of course, along with the bill’s sponsors, Sen. Ben Cardin (D-MD) and Rep. Carolyn Maloney, D-NY.
  2. Jon McTaggart of Minnesota Public Radio thinks this is a great idea. He says that government involvement in the news business is “traditional, mainstream, and all-American” (just like TASS, Pravda, Izvestia, and the Völkischer Beobachter). But wait a minute. Believe it or not, McTaggart is even dumber than your congressman. He says, “as a civil society, we don’t trust the open market or the free market” for the services media provide. Right you are Jon. I rely solely on NPR and my congressman’s newsletters for the unbiased TRUTH.
  3. National Public Radio CEO Vivian Schiller also thinks that a government-supported media outlet could still be fair. What a surprise! She says federal support makes NPR even more of a watchdog when it comes to government affairs. Woof!
  4. The state of New Hampshire (motto: Live Free or Die) isn’t waiting for the feds. They’ve already guaranteed a $250,000 line of credit so the Claremont Eagle Times could start turning the presses again. If I lived in New Hampshire and had any suspicions that something funny was going on in the State House, the Eagle Times would be the first place I’d turn for information.

Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.

First Amendment
United States Constitution

Does anybody read the US Constitution any more? Isn’t the federal government’s subsidy of NPR “a law…abridging the freedom of the press”? It is a logical contradiction to assume that subsidizing the press does not not de facto abridge its freedom. Just ask any local newspaper editor who’s run a story critical of one of his advertisers.


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