If I were a Hollywood producer, looking to put together a comedy about some Middle Eastern asshole and his spoiled brat kid, I wouldn’t call a casting agent. I’d call Muammar Gaddafi and his son Hannibal and ask them to play themselves.
The first fifteen minutes of the script could be nothing but Quadafi trying to figure out how to write his name in the Roman alphabet: Quatafi, Khadafhey, Khataffi, Khedafy. “Jesus Christ, Omar, what’s the Arabic for ‘Smith’?”
Then we could do a little piece on how Qedaphi was a captain who took over Libya in a bloodless revolution and promoted himself to colonel. He apparently was wise enough, even then, to realize he’d never have what it takes to be a real general.
Middle Eastern Asshole
He lived out in the desert in a tent instead of the requisite palace. Some said he was an ascetic. I think he liked the idea of being able to step outside whenever he needed to take a piss. When the place starts to stink, just move the tent.
Recently Kahdaffee got religion and declared jihad on Switzerland, where most of the Quettafi money was stashed. Apparently the head of the Libyan government doesn’t have much faith in Libyan banks.
Why the jihad? Well Khetaffy was never known as a pious Muslim until the Swiss declared a ban on the construction of minarets. Quetafi suddenly got religion and declared jihad on the Swiss infidels, withdrawing his money from their banks and making it really, really tough for the Swiss to get visas to visit Libya. Jeez, that must have hurt in Berne and Geneva. I’ll bet there were planeloads of Swiss heading for the bazaars of Tripoli every weekend before Cataphi put the kybosh on visas for the infidels of the Alps.
“Let us wage jihad against Switzerland, Zionism and foreign aggression,” Khaddaffee said. “Any Muslim in any part of the world who works with Switzerland is an apostate, is against Muhammad, God and the Koran.”
The real reason for Qeuttahfi’s snit is more prosaic. He has eight children, seven of whom are, by current Middle Eastern standards, decent enough. At least none of the seven has been filmed beheading an adulteress, as far as we know.
Spoiled Brat Son of Middle Eastern Asshole
But that fifth kid, Hannibal (insert your own joke here) is in trouble in Switzerland and he’s been in trouble about everywhere he’s been. (There’s a reason he’s not home in Libya.) He’s got a rap sheet that would do a Brooklyn Mafioso proud:
2001 – Attacked three Italian policemen with a fire extinguisher
2004 – Detained in Paris after driving a Porsche at 90 mph in the wrong direction and through red lights down the Champs-Élysées while intoxicated
2005 – While in Paris beat model and then girlfriend Alin Skaf; suspended sentence
2008 – Hannibal and Alin Skaf, now Mrs. Hannibal Howeveryouspellit held for two days and charged with assaulting two of their servants in Geneva, Switzerland
2009 – Police called to Claridges Hotel in London after staff heard a scream from Hannibal’s room. Aline Skaf was found to have suffered facial injuries including a broken nose, but charges were not pressed. She maintained she had “sustained the injuries in a fall.” (Didja ever notice that no matter how big an asshole some slightly famous guy is, there’s always a hot babe around who will put up with his shit? Right, Elin)?
Though some of Hannibal’s brothers are in the Libyan government already, I’m hoping that when the old man dies and the fratricide begins, Hannibal comes out on top. He’ll be even more fun to watch than his father.
This entry was posted on Monday, March 1st, 2010 at 5:00 PM and is filed under Commentary. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed.
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There’s No Real Point to This Story
If I were a Hollywood producer, looking to put together a comedy about some Middle Eastern asshole and his spoiled brat kid, I wouldn’t call a casting agent. I’d call Muammar Gaddafi and his son Hannibal and ask them to play themselves.
The first fifteen minutes of the script could be nothing but Quadafi trying to figure out how to write his name in the Roman alphabet: Quatafi, Khadafhey, Khataffi, Khedafy. “Jesus Christ, Omar, what’s the Arabic for ‘Smith’?”
Then we could do a little piece on how Qedaphi was a captain who took over Libya in a bloodless revolution and promoted himself to colonel. He apparently was wise enough, even then, to realize he’d never have what it takes to be a real general.
Middle Eastern Asshole
He lived out in the desert in a tent instead of the requisite palace. Some said he was an ascetic. I think he liked the idea of being able to step outside whenever he needed to take a piss. When the place starts to stink, just move the tent.
Recently Kahdaffee got religion and declared jihad on Switzerland, where most of the Quettafi money was stashed. Apparently the head of the Libyan government doesn’t have much faith in Libyan banks.
Why the jihad? Well Khetaffy was never known as a pious Muslim until the Swiss declared a ban on the construction of minarets. Quetafi suddenly got religion and declared jihad on the Swiss infidels, withdrawing his money from their banks and making it really, really tough for the Swiss to get visas to visit Libya. Jeez, that must have hurt in Berne and Geneva. I’ll bet there were planeloads of Swiss heading for the bazaars of Tripoli every weekend before Cataphi put the kybosh on visas for the infidels of the Alps.
“Let us wage jihad against Switzerland, Zionism and foreign aggression,” Khaddaffee said. “Any Muslim in any part of the world who works with Switzerland is an apostate, is against Muhammad, God and the Koran.”
The real reason for Qeuttahfi’s snit is more prosaic. He has eight children, seven of whom are, by current Middle Eastern standards, decent enough. At least none of the seven has been filmed beheading an adulteress, as far as we know.
Spoiled Brat Son of Middle Eastern Asshole
But that fifth kid, Hannibal (insert your own joke here) is in trouble in Switzerland and he’s been in trouble about everywhere he’s been. (There’s a reason he’s not home in Libya.) He’s got a rap sheet that would do a Brooklyn Mafioso proud:
Though some of Hannibal’s brothers are in the Libyan government already, I’m hoping that when the old man dies and the fratricide begins, Hannibal comes out on top. He’ll be even more fun to watch than his father.
Like this:
This entry was posted on Monday, March 1st, 2010 at 5:00 PM and is filed under Commentary. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.